discovered that I was too tall to be an astronaut was a sad day indeed. The feeling is indescribable, but I'll do my best to make that an untrue statement. Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you while playing a game of chance on the sporting field? Have you ever waited in line and then been told that you're not tall enough to ride this particular death trap? I haven't. I imagine that it's pretty close to how I felt though. My whole life's goal went up in smoke in the blink of an eye and all I have to show for it is another broken foot.
If you've ever wished, "Hey. I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller," etc. Then you are sadly delusional. Height is not a gift, it is a curse that rivals the curse of the Hope diamond. It felt like I too was an Indian goddess who had had a gem plucked from my eye. Knowing at that moment that it was something I would never recover from, unless I somehow gained sentience from a rolled up slip of paper with a Hebrew word written on it. It's like that moment in Deliverance when you realize Ned Beatty is about to be fucked up the ass, and you're Ned Beatty.
So fuck you Carl Sagan for making me read all of your books with your terrific insight into the cosmos! You built up a dream in me that could never be attained. I'd also like to add a few other people to this list in no particular order:
Kurt Vonnegut - Fuck You!
Ray Bradbury - Get Fucked!
Jack Kirby - You Asshole!
Dr. Michio Kaku- Go Fuck Yourself!
Neil Degrasse Tyson - Seriously? Don't you have some offs to fuck?
PKD - we're cool
I know some of you may be thinking that it's unreasonable to blame this unrelated group of supermen for my despair. Well, all I have to say to that is, my fall back choice? Veterinarian.
Fuck My Giant Frame.
Bob Dylan - Ballad of A Thin Man
Atlas Sound - Walkabout (with Noah Lennox)
1 comment:
I kinda know how you feel. I had the idea to join the military this morning -- since it's like the only job in the country -- and nevermind the obvious wheelchair on my ass, the wife says: "are you sure you're not too old?"
"Gee, thanks, way to crush my dream of crushing dreams!"
It's hard times for dreamers.
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